useless court date

[reptilemama]

I've been telling my soon-to-be-ex that we *had* to take a parenting class before the courts would finalize a divorce. (BTW, we're doing this without a lawyer, so there's no one to guide us on this stuff.)He was convinced they'd go ahead and get everything else done, and let us come back to prove we'd taken the class. He also wanted me to be there an hour early, at 8 am, to have the child support paperwork pre-approved. I didn't thin kit would take that long, but fine, I agreed to be there as close to 8 as I could. So, I took the day off work, dropped my son off at the sitter's (no school today), and drove the 45 minutes down to the DeKalb courthouse, where he filed. Got there at 5 after 8, and he wasn't there yet. Tried to go inside, and the door was locked. The courthouse wasn't even open yet! He didn't get there til 20 after, and the doors were finally unlocked at 8:30. So we go into the circuit clerk's office, and take a quick look at the child support stuff, and sign it- took like 2 minutes. So, we wait some more, go into the courtroom, and wait our turn. Get called to the bench, and the judge asks if we've taken the classes. Ex tells him no, and the judge says we were supposed to do that before this hearing, so basically we had to get a continuance and take the class. So I took a day off, paid a sitter, and drove an hour and a half round-trip for nothing. On the way out, I asked him if he's even signed up yet. I've pre-registered and had been waiting to get my taxes done so I could see if I qualified for a reduced fee, which I do, and send them a check, which I've done. He hadn't even gotten any information yet, and told me if I gave him the info he'd call. I don't *have* the info for Dekalb, I'm taking the class in Rockford. Poor him has to find the information for himself. I'm getting really tired of doing all this for him. This was all his idea, and I've done most of the work. I wanted him to file, since he was the one who wanted leave, but first he didn't have the filing fee. So, I borrowed it from my parents. Then he didn't have time to file. Bull- he has a day off during the week, do it then. I finally told him I was going to meet him at the courthouse on a certain day and we were getting this done. I printed out the paperwork myself, and filled most of it out. I'm so tired of all this, I just want it to be done!

[ann0306]

Keep your eye on the ball. You're doing it for a reason, you're trying to go about it the right way and really, if he could do this really well, you probably wouldn't be getting a divorce. We're behind you, my offer to give a pep talk if you need one stands.

[reptilemama]

Thanks, Ann. Always nice to know there are people out there who care.

[mark5019]

sorry been there did it in nj we did it by selves but whats this class you need? never heard of it

[reptilemama]

In Illinois you have to take a parenting class- basically they tell you not to involve the kids more than necessary, don't use the kids to get back at each other, etc.

[momakat]

Originally Posted by reptilemama

In Illinois you have to take a parenting class- basically they tell you not to involve the kids more than necessary, don't use the kids to get back at each other, etc.

I'm so sorry to hear all did not go as expected - BTDT but it will all be worth it in the long run. This class is not just required in IL - it is also required here in AZ as my oldest discovered when she was separated and researching the divorce on her own. It is required in many states now as a pre-requisite to divorce where there are children involved. Here - if one of the parents do not take the class, either the divorce is continued again or they are not granted any visitation (divorce granted thought) until they prove to the court they have taken the class. Then they can get the visitation revised. So check out this part before the next hearing - it could either save you lots of stress or give you a reason to 'not miss your ex'. Just keep on keepin' on! We're behind ya!