Here are some joke I thought I would share with everyone. [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_lol.gif[/img]
> (1) "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to
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> find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
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> * Steven Segal
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>
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> (2) "The problem with the designated driver program,
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> it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked
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> into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the
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> night, drop them off at the wrong house."
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> * Jeff Foxworthy
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>
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> (3) "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain
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> and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a
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> time."
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> * Robin Williams
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>
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> (4) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly
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> ball and saving infant's life, she will choose to save
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> the infant's life without even considering if there is
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> a man on base."
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> * Dave Barry
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>
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> (5) "What do people mean when they say the computer
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> went down on them?
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> * Marilyn Pittman
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>
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> (6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time
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> job, and we should treat it like one. If your
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> boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they
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> should give you two weeks' notice. There should be
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> severance pay, and before they leave
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> you, they should have to find you a temp."
>
> * Bob Ettinger
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>
>
> (7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone
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> took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I
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> said, Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to
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> swim."
>
> * Paula Poundstone
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>
>
> (
"A study in the Washington Post says that women
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> have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say
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> to the authors of that study: Uh, duh!"
>
> * Conan O'Brien
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>
>
> (9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm
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> halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my
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> Goodness. . I could be eating a slow learner."
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> * Lynda Montgomery
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>
>
> (10) "The day I worry about cleaning my house is the
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> day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner."
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> * Roseanne
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>
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> (11) "I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch
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> of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the
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> crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough.
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> Let's go west.'"
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> * Richard Jeni
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>
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> (12) "If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all
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> the impersonators would be dead."
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> * Johnny Carson
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>
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> (13) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching
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> us geography."
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> * Paul Rodriguez
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>
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> (14) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but
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> they turned sixty, and that's the law."
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> * Jerry Seinfeld
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>
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> (15) "In elementary school, in case of fire you have
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> to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest
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> to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn
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> slower?"
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> * Warren Hutcherson
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>
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> (16) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many.
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> Monogamy is the same."
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> * Oscar Wilde
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>
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> (17) "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not
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> ready for an institution yet."
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> * Mae West
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>
>
> (1
"Suppose you were an idiot . . . And suppose you
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> were a member of Congress . . . But I repeat myself."
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> * Mark Twain
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>
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> (19) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high
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> school student. At least they can find Kuwait."
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> * A. Whitney Brown
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> (20) "Ah, yes, divorce . . . from the Latin word
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> meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his
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> wallet."
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> * Robin Williams
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>
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> (21) "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but
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> I think of it as the only time of the month that I can
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> be myself."
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> * Roseanne
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>
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> (22) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the
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> dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're
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> right! I never would've thought of that!'"
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> * Dave Barry
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>
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> (23) "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them
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> beaten."
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> * George Carlin
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>
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> (24) "When I die, I want to die like my grandmother
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> who died peacefully in her sleep. Not screaming like
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> all the passengers in her car."
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> * Author Unknown
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>
>
> (25) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension
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> and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin
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> bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from
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> children."
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>
>
> (26) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?
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> There's a support group for that. It's called
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> EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
>
> * Drew Carey
[addsig]
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