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09-25-2009, 10:51 PM
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Resident Fruit Loop
   
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Strangling 101 for Boas
GUIDE FOUND IN JESSE'S CAGE!!!
Strangling 101A for boas:
1. Humans cannot be trusted: Imagine every human you cuddle is planning to drop you on your head. You must squeeze as tightly as possible to prevent this from happening.
2. The firm hug: Pretend you are just hugging or cuddling your human. Then apply maximum pressure. You will appear adorable while practicing your skills.
3. Use both ends: When a human tries to unwrap you on one end, wrap yourself back around them with the other end.
4. The drape and switch: If they drape you over their shoulder, it’s easy to simply raise your head and wind around their neck. Apply enough pressure till they turn blue.
5. The anchor: Once you are wrapped firmly around their neck, anchor your tail to an immovable household object. (This is a technique used by seasoned boas everywhere).
6. The double wrap: This is an advanced technique. If you are wrapped twice around their neck, it is much harder to unwrap you. You can apply a maximal squeeze with minimal effort.
7. Using visual imagery to guide the squeeze: Pretend the human neck is a big, juicy rat. The pulse you feel is the rat struggling for its life.
8. The disadvantaged human: While your tail end is wrapped around their neck, your front end should climb across their face blocking their vision so they cannot see what you are doing.
9. The full-body squeeze: Try to immobilize their arms with part of your body while strangling so they cannot reach up to unwrap you.
10. Use your teeth: Once you are in the process of strangling, they may try to unwrap you. A gentle chomp on the finger or hand will hamper their efforts.
11. Plan ahead: Make sure you locate all the sources of rats and small furry animals in the house, for after you have strangled the humans, you will have to fend for yourself.
Corollary a) Learn how to open the freezer.
12. The “reach”: Once you have a firm grip around their neck, reach for something with your head. The farther away you reach, the more successful the strangulation will be.
13. The “slow squeeze”: For this one, you start out loosely draped. Then very slowly apply increasing amounts of pressure in small increments. The human will hardly notice it until it is too late.
14. Dealing with obnoxious humans: If anyone says “Wakey Wakey Little Snakey” to you, you should try to strangle them immediately.
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09-25-2009, 10:54 PM
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RETIC ADDICTION
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Re: Strangling 101 for Boas
OMG I love it. My snakes are wondering where to get a copy of this book.
 
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09-25-2009, 10:55 PM
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Resident Fruit Loop
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Re: Strangling 101 for Boas
I'll ask Jesse who the publisher is.
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My boa could eat your honor student.
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09-25-2009, 11:29 PM
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The Boa Temptress
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Re: Strangling 101 for Boas
WOW! That's hilarious hehehe very cute
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09-25-2009, 11:46 PM
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Dorkus majorkus.
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Re: Strangling 101 for Boas
I'm glad Karma wasn't on my lap when I read this.
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09-26-2009, 12:08 AM
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Re: Strangling 101 for Boas
Yeah, who knew Jesse could read?
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09-26-2009, 12:08 AM
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ms. anthropomorphist
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Re: Strangling 101 for Boas
 chance was shocked at this thread.! max took notes!
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"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened"-Anatole France
IF YOU DON'T STAND BEHIND OUR TROOPS, PLEASE, FEEL FREE TO STAND IN FRONT OF THEM.
RIP Max, i love you
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09-26-2009, 12:10 AM
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Re: Strangling 101 for Boas
Quote:
Originally Posted by louise
chance was shocked at this thread.! max took notes! |
Who knew snakes could write 
Now if only my snakes could do that. I'm gonna have to keep Ka away from Max.lol
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09-26-2009, 12:12 AM
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Resident Fruit Loop
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Re: Strangling 101 for Boas
The guide was for boas. I'll bet burms do it a little differently. For instances, they first give you a kiss.....lol
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My boa could eat your honor student.
R.I.P The English language and the correct spelling of "definitely"
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09-26-2009, 12:15 AM
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Resident Fruit Loop
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Re: Strangling 101 for Boas
I doubt Chance could strangle anyone if her life depended on it.
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My boa could eat your honor student.
R.I.P The English language and the correct spelling of "definitely"
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09-26-2009, 12:19 AM
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Resident Fruit Loop
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Re: Strangling 101 for Boas
Chapter 2 of the book is called:
Dead Rats: To Constrict or not to Constrict.
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My boa could eat your honor student.
R.I.P The English language and the correct spelling of "definitely"
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09-26-2009, 12:44 AM
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N1H1
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Re: Strangling 101 for Boas
Quote:
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14. Dealing with obnoxious humans: If anyone says “Wakey Wakey Little Snakey” to you, you should try to strangle them immediately.
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I realize this is for snakes, but I follow this rule as well.
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09-26-2009, 01:00 AM
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ms. anthropomorphist
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Re: Strangling 101 for Boas
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stargazer
Chapter 2 of the book is called:
Dead Rats: To Constrict or not to Constrict.
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you just caused chance to faint.
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"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened"-Anatole France
IF YOU DON'T STAND BEHIND OUR TROOPS, PLEASE, FEEL FREE TO STAND IN FRONT OF THEM.
RIP Max, i love you
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09-26-2009, 01:55 AM
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Regular Rattlebrat
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Re: Strangling 101 for Boas
You forgot a chapter: How to tie knots in long hair for maximum traction when strangling, hahahaha......
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09-26-2009, 02:10 AM
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Regular Rattlebrat
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Re: Strangling 101 for Boas
RE: "the pulse you feel is the rat struggling for its life..." You wanna hear something funny, this reminded me...A male rosy boa I used to have (RIP) would snuggle around my neck when I did dishes, just motionless for the longest time...then all of a sudden I'd feel him scratching me with his spurs!!!! I think he thought my pulse was me nudging him ("hey,hey cutie...")...that's when you know you are really one of the snakes, ????....lol.......
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09-26-2009, 02:32 AM
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ALL RIGHT POPSICLES!!
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Re: Strangling 101 for Boas
hahahaha thats hilarious
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09-26-2009, 02:43 AM
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Regular Rattlebrat
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Re: Strangling 101 for Boas
I thought so too...honestly, I never meant to lead him on...lol...
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09-26-2009, 02:46 AM
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the Cosmic Serpent
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Re: Strangling 101 for Boas
lol, this is too funny!
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09-26-2009, 02:55 AM
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Regular Rattlebrat
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Re: Strangling 101 for Boas
C'mon...has this not happened to anyone else out there???? (why me??) hahaha...just so you know, he never got to third base....I'm not that kinda human....
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09-26-2009, 05:39 AM
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Re: Strangling 101 for Boas
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stargazer
Chapter 2 of the book is called:
Dead Rats: To Constrict or not to Constrict.
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Is chapter 3 of the book called:
Dead rabbit: to constrict or not to constrict?
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