A Letter From Santa Claus

[Stormyva]

To Whom It may Concern:

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Faeries and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract. I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies, so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement , who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us, such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus.
He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These
toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC Cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I hear'd dat!"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

And finally...

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.


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[bensnacks]

I bet this dude ain't fitting down any chimney's!!! [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_lol.gif[/img]
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[herp_chick]

Hahaha!! I love it!! I'm sure all of us "rednecks" down here in the South will appreciate this bit of humor at our expense! [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_lol.gif[/img] [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_lol.gif[/img] [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_lol.gif[/img] [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_lol.gif[/img]
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[Ed_r]

LOL too funny. Description almost makes me think Julius(Brett) Sounds allot like Bubba. Does he have Coon Dogs? I could see BW (Brian) as his merry elf too. J/k guys. [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_lol.gif[/img] [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_lol.gif[/img] [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_lol.gif[/img]

Hmmmm, the Rednecks enjoy a good giggle about themselves, most Yanks Don't.
I say score 1 for the rednecks. [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_razz.gif[/img] [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_razz.gif[/img] [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_razz.gif[/img]
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[JuliusSqueezer]

If I was Bubba Clause....all your kids would wake up Christmas morning to wiggly stockings [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_wink.gif[/img]
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[Ed_r]

<TABLE BORDER=0 ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=85%><TR><TD><font class="pn-sub">Quote:</font><HR></TD></TR><TR><TD><FONT class="pn-sub"><BLOCKQUOTE> If I was Bubba Clause....all your kids would wake up Christmas morning to wiggly stockings </BLOCKQUOTE></FONT></TD></TR><TR><TD><HR></TD></TR></TABLE>

I lobby that Bubba Clause take over the mid-west area too.
I'll have the Crack Spackle on the counter since he doesn't wear a belt.
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[Flood]

What's wrong with wiggly stockings?!?! I better have a wiggly stocking this year. [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_smile.gif[/img]
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[shady1]

&gt;&gt;What's wrong with wiggly stockings?!?! I better have a wiggly stocking this year. [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_smile.gif[/img]

yah same here rofl. by the way that funnys story, reminds me of some of my family rofl
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[WildManWilly]

HAHAHA!!! that remindes me of my uncle. [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_lol.gif[/img] [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_lol.gif[/img]
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[ChrisRezendes]

That may well have been the funniest thing I've ever read.

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ROFLMFAO!! Too FUNNY !!
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[Blackwidow_woman]

[img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img] [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img] [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_razz.gif[/img] [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img] [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_wink.gif[/img] LMFAO!!!! That is just way to funny.....hehehehehe!!!! [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img] [img]modules/Forum/images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]
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[Shadrach]

I just talked with Bubba a little while ago and he said it may be a day or two after Christmas before he gets around to everyone. Something about the sleigh is up on blocks right now? But he's almost got the clutch back in the pickup truck!


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[CelticWench]

I love it! I sent this to my friend in LA who's originally from Houston &amp; he said it made him homesick!
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