Funny (appropriate) Jokes - Page 5

Gamefreak · #81 (**permalink**) 04-23-2007, 11:19 PM

so can i its easy........

Stargazer · #82 (**permalink**) 04-23-2007, 11:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ILoveMyBoa4209

Dumb Colorado Laws
Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.
It is illegal for liquor stores to sell food or grocery stores to sell any alcohol except beer that is at most 3.2% alcohol.
No liquor may be sold on Sundays or election days. (Repealed)
It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence.
Tags may be ripped off of pillows and mattresses
It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.
The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park.
It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.
It is illegal to mistreat rats in Denver, Colorado.
You may not drive a black car on Sundays.
It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.
It is illegal to let a dandelion grow within the city limits.
Cats may not run loose without having been fit with a taillight.
It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes "unbecoming" on one's sex.

Oh man, I have been living in Colorado for 17 years, and all this time I never pulled the tags off my mattresses! I will have to do it right away. Nothing I can do, however, about the mistreatment of rats.....

So a few more Colorado jokes:
You know you're from Colorado when: you know what a 14-er is, you know what a rocky mountain oyster is, but you don't know what a turn signal is.

You know you're from Colorado when...a red light means 3 more cars can go.

that's all I got

maidenfreak · #83 (**permalink**) 04-24-2007, 01:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gamefreak

so can i its easy........

what delete the recycleing bin you can't its impossible.

SambaMan · #84 (**permalink**) 06-19-2007, 01:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maidenfreak

Chuck Norris counted to infinatiy. Twice.

very funny

pcncb · #85 (**permalink**) 06-22-2007, 08:30 AM

A husband and wife are watching ''Who Wants To Be a Millionaire,'' and the husband winks and says, ''Honey, let's go upstairs...''
The wife says no, so the husband asks again. Again she says no.
So the husband says, ''Is that your final answer?'' The wife says yes.
The husband says, ''Well, can I phone a friend?''

pcncb · #86 (**permalink**) 06-22-2007, 08:35 AM

A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.

As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, ''Up nuts!''

And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, ''Down nuts!'' And they all sat.

After a home run he yelled, ''Cheer nuts!'' And they all broke into applause and cheers.

Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.

When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.

The assistant replied, ''Well...everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, ''PEANUTS!''

pcncb · #87 (**permalink**) 06-22-2007, 08:37 AM

Doctor Bob slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said:

"Bob, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go..."

But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality:

"Bob, you're a vet..."

pcncb · #88 (**permalink**) 06-22-2007, 08:45 AM

One more
Last one I swear

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

John_White · #89 (**permalink**) 06-22-2007, 12:06 PM

Paper clips are the larval stage of coat hangers....

(hears the low background sounds of crickets)

brownsfan222 · #90 (**permalink**) 06-30-2007, 06:20 AM

Havent been on here in about a year I thought i would come back with a joke lol this joke always cracks me up
A girl walks into a supermarket and buys the following:
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 apple
1 banana
1 orange
1 plum
1 peach
1 grapefruit
1 tomato
1 lettuce
1 cabbage
1 baking potato
1 kraft single
1 samosa
1 vegetable pakora
1 muesli bar
1 pie
1 single serving of cereal
1 single frozen dinner
1 single frozen pizza
The checkout guy looks at her, smiles, and says, "Single, huh?"
The girl smiles sheepishly and replies, "How'd you guess?"

He says, "Because you're ugly."

bloodsong · #91 (**permalink**) 07-22-2007, 07:42 AM

I just registered, saw this, and thought it a good introduction. Here goes:

A man and woman had been married for about ten years. They were both very successful in their jobs, and had to travel a lot. They didn't see much of each other, but the love was still there.

One day, the wife was looking at the schedules they both had, and noticed they both had their anniversary without business travel. When she told her husband, he had an idea. They decided to go with it. The plan was to recreate their honeymoon in Fort Lauderdale.

So when the time comes, the husband arrives a day earlier than the wife and, according to plan, checks into the same suite that they spent their honeymoon in.

When he gets to the suite, he notices there is now a complementary computer access port, and takes the opportunity to send a quick email to his wife before having a few drinks and going to bed. Only problem: he mistypes her email address by one letter and send the message to someone else.

Elsewhere in the world, a lady in east Texas had just buried her husband of fifty plus years. As he was a very popular minister in the area, she knew after mourning for a week, that there would be quite a few well-wishing emails waiting for her, and she decided to get to them.

Upon opening one fateful email, she screamed and fainted. Her son heard the wail and thud and ran upstairs to see what was wrong. His mother was on the floor recovering. She was unable to speak, but pointed to the computer monitor. He read the message:

"My dear wife:

I just arrived. It is lovely here, and I look forward to seeing you here tomorrow. It is better than we had planned! You'll love it.

You loving husband

P.S. #$%^&#$%^&#$%^&#$%^& it is hot down here!"

Bloodsong

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