Funny (appropriate) Jokes

[brianb1998]

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time?

Answer: Chuck Norris.

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[brianb1998]

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

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[brianb1998]

When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

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[brianb1998]

who would have thought chuck could be soo much fun i found a web site there will be more to come hahahahaha

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[brianb1998]

Wat is the quickest way to mans heart?

Chuck Noris’s fist.

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[brianb1998]

God said let there be light, Chuck Noris said say please

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[brianb1998]

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[brianb1998]

come on w3e cant let this die its better than the big usless thread

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[TongueFlick]

Originally Posted by DaveA

The White Dot
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was.
"It's a period," he replied.
"I can see that," said the teacher,
"but what is so exciting about a period?"
"Darned if I know," he said,
"but this morning my sister was missing one. Mommy fainted, daddy had a heart attack and the boy next door joined the Navy

That is GOOD!

[maidenfreak]

Originally Posted by brianb1998

who would have thought chuck could be soo much fun i found a web site there will be more to come hahahahaha

I know I found one to so I'll be trying to as well to be post some new Chuck Norris jokes. Its just a plan funny topic.

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[Gamefreak]

ya chuck norris jokes are funny i dont really understand them though i mean why chuck norris o well continue......

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[maidenfreak]

because Chuck Norris can do any thing haven't you ever seen Texas Walker Ranger.

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[ILoveMyBoa4209!F!]

Someone said something about Californians... Well here's something about people from Colorado. LOL.


YOU MIGHT BE FROM COLORADO IF...



... You carry your $3,000 mountain bike on top of your $500 car.

... You thought "Californication" would be banned by Amendment 2.

... You think "South Park" is a place to stop for gas on your way to Buena Vista.

... You have a business degree and are frying burgers at a McDonald's in Vail.

... You have a flat tire in your refrigerator and your garage.

... You tell your husband to pick up granola on his way home from work and he stops at the day care.

... You own a big dog named Aspen, Buck, Cheyenne or Dakota that wears a bandanna.

... You cast out your fishing line while white-water rafting.

... You've never seen the tourist attractions in your own city.

... All summer you thought a redneck named "Bubby" was gonna be your quarterback.

...You think a pass does not involve a football or a woman.

... You are 82 years old and take up snowboarding.

... Your SUV tire size exceeds your IQ.

... Your real Y2K fear is running out of Celestial Seasonings tea and trail mix.

... The entire top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

... You personally wouldn't pay $10 per head to drive up Pikes Peak unless it was the only mountain on earth, but you tell all our house-guests to do it.

... You can recite the entire Bible from memory, but can't remember to use your turn signal (CO Springs).

... You get depressed after one day of foggy weather.

... You wear the latest fashions a year after they went out of style.

... You think that formal wear is ironed denim.

... North means "mountains to the left;" south is "mountains to the right;" and east and west are where all those durned liberals keep moving in from.

... You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels "sticky" and you notice the sky is no longer blue.

... You consider a three-piece suit to be a pair of shorts, a sweatshirt and Birkenstocks.

... You see your East Coast relatives now more than when you lived there.

... You think gun control is not dropping it.

... Your bridal registry is at REI.

... You can run up 10 flights of stairs without huffing and puffing.

... You've ever stood on solid ground and looked down on an airplane in flight.

[ILoveMyBoa4209!F!]

Dumb Colorado Laws
Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.
It is illegal for liquor stores to sell food or grocery stores to sell any alcohol except beer that is at most 3.2% alcohol.
No liquor may be sold on Sundays or election days. (Repealed)
It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence.
Tags may be ripped off of pillows and mattresses
It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.
The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park.
It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.
It is illegal to mistreat rats in Denver, Colorado.
You may not drive a black car on Sundays.
It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.
It is illegal to let a dandelion grow within the city limits.
Cats may not run loose without having been fit with a taillight.
It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes "unbecoming" on one's sex.

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[strikerratt]

"I'M GOING FISHING"
Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
"IT'S A GUY THING"
Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Means: "I have no idea how it works."
"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."
"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".
Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Means: "Are you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".
Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Means: "What did you catch me at?"
"I HEARD YOU."
Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."
"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE"
Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC"
Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."
"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."
"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK"
Means: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."

[strikerratt]

Will you marry me?"
Really means...
"Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."

"I do help around the house."
Really means...
"I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket "No, I left plenty of gas in the car."
Really means...
"You may actually get it to start."

"I missed you."
Really means...
"I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet
paper."
Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
Really means...
"I forgot our anniversary again."

"You expect too much of me."
Really means...
"You want me to stay awake."

"It's a really good movie."
Really means...
"It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."

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[maidenfreak]

Chuck Norris counted to infinatiy. Twice.

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[maidenfreak]

Chuck Norris can speak brail.

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[maidenfreak]

Chuck Norris can punch a Cyclops in between the eyes.

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[maidenfreak]

Chuck Norris can delete the recycleing bin.

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