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60060
OK.. i don't always "own" up to it , BUT yESI do have texan relatives. AND they love to slam my email with such things as this one. Thought you Dallas area Texans might get a kick out of this. [ means nothing to me except that Dallas area is prolly as bad as NYC when it comes to driving lmao] Here it is ...
>How Driving is Done in Dallas:
>
>First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS
>depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.
>
>Next, if your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a
>new one. If in Denton County and your Mapsco is one day old, then it is
>already obsolete.
>
>Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version
>of traffic rules..."Hold on and pray". There is no such thing as a
>dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas. We all drive like that.
>
>All directions start with, "Get on Beltline"...which has no beginning and
>no end.
>
>The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to
>7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
>
>If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out
>and possibly shot.
>
>When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the
>light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers
>running the red light in cross-traffic.
>
>Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of
>entertainment. We had had sooo much fun with that we have added George Bush
>Freeway and the High Five to the mix.
>
>All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort
>Worth!"
>
>If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory
>defect.
>
>Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.
>
>All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. Period.
>
>Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane,
>Josey Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road... all mysteriously change names as
>you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples). The perfect
>example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road. On the south end it is known
>as Lake Highlands Drive, cross Northwest Highway and it becomes Plano Road,
>go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave, Ave K, and Highway 5. It
>ends in Sherman.
>
>If asking directions in Irving or SE Dallas, you must have knowledge of
>Spanish. If in central Richardson or on Harry Hines, Mandarin Chinese will
>be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on Gaston or Live Oak, you
>better be armed.
>
>A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours,
>although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75. The
>minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85. Anything less
>is considered downright sissy.
>
>The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff and Fair Park is not ornamental.
>
>It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST
>Highway. Don't let this confuse you.
>
>The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR. It also ends in
>Sherman.
>
>LBJ is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."
>
>If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it's 10 degrees
>and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on. If it's rained
>6 inches in the last hour, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second
>round if it is Spring -- and it is the Texas State Fair if it is Fall.
>
>If you go to the Fair, pay the $5.00 to park INSIDE Fair Park. Parking
>elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets,
>etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run over
>him.
>
>Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports, etc. are
>conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow
>for ample parking on grassy areas.
>
>Final Warning: Don't Mess With Texas Drivers
>
>AMEN!
[addsig]
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