WJW: Carnac the Magnificent (Johnny Carson, RIP)
Carnac The Magnificent
ANSWER: Gatorade.
QUESTION: What does an alligator get on welfare?
ANSWER: Bible belt.
QUESTION: What holds up Oral Roberts' pants?
ANSWER: Milk and honey.
QUESTION: What do you get from a bee that has an udder?
ANSWER: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday.
QUESTION: Name three things you won't find in Los Angeles.
ANSWER: Black and white and twenty feet tall.
QUESTION: Describe Sister Mary Kong.
ANSWER: Ben Gay.
QUESTION: Why didn't Mrs. Franklin have any kids?
ANSWER: An unmarried woman.
QUESTION: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, 1952?
ANSWER: Disjoint.
QUESTION: What was dat hippie smoking?
ANSWER: The Laughing Policeman.
QUESTION: What do you call a cop who frisks himself?
ANSWER: Dustin Hoffman.
QUESTION: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman.
ANSWER: Until he gets caught.
QUESTION: How long does a United States Congressman serve?
ANSWER: Old wives tale.
QUESTION: What do cannibals find hard to digest?
ANSWER: Rub-a-dub-dub.
QUESTION: What does a masseuse do to your dub-dub?
ANSWER: Shareholder.
QUESTION: What did Sonny Bono used to be?
ANSWER: Skalliwags.
QUESTION: What does your skalli do when it's happy?
ANSWER: David Frost.
QUESTION: On a cold morning what forms on your david?
ANSWER: Head and shoulders.
QUESTION: What do you see if you open the trunk of the Godfather's car?
ANSWER: Hickory Dickory Dock.
QUESTION: Who do you go to when you have a pain in your hickory dickory?
ANSWER: "Rose Bowl."
QUESTION: What do you say when it's Rose's turn at the bowling alley?
ANSWER: That darn cat.
QUESTION: Who ruined that darn rug?
ANSWER: High rollers.
QUESTION: Describe a stoned bowling team.
ANSWER: Gunga din.
QUESTION: What do you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga?
ANSWER: "Follow the yellow brick road."
QUESTION: What are good directions to a urologist's office?
ANSWER: At both ends.
QUESTION: Where do New Yorkers put their dogs muzzles?
ANSWER: Igloo.
QUESTION: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off?
ANSWER: R-O-L-A-I-D-S.
QUESTION: How does a stupid person spell "backgammon"?
ANSWER: Grape Nuts.
QUESTION: What are Ernest and Julio Gallo?
ANSWER: Supervisor.
QUESTION: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his eyes?
ANSWER: Crabgrass.
QUESTION: What do crabs get high on?
ANSWER: Shake-N-Bake.
QUESTION: Describe a double feature with Earthquake and The Towering Inferno.
ANSWER: Blazing Saddles.
QUESTION: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch?
ANSWER: Flypaper.
QUESTION: What do you use to gift wrap a zipper?
ANSWER: Deep freeze.
QUESTION: Name an Eskimo porno film.
ANSWER: Bedbug.
QUESTION: What would Republicans use to eavesdrop on a hooker?
carnac the magnificent (jonny carsons rip
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