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aerin19 · #1 (**permalink**) 10-05-2004, 11:41 AM

Hey, all, I just wanted to let you know how the actions of Julius Squeezer led to my cancelling my membership to this forum.

If you'll check out the "she likes her new room mate!!" thread in the "Boas" forum you'll see where it started. A member was advised to separate her snakes, and another member advised not to believe everything he/she was told, "especially on here".

Julius S. then posted, saying that he had intended to delete that member's post due to the insult contained within, but that since he'd followed it up with such "crap" he'd leave the post as is, since "any idiot" could see who knew what they were talking about.

I pm'd Julius, telling him that I wasn't taking the other guy's side, but that I was disturbed by the abuse of power I'd seen. I don't mind if two people want to throw insults back and forth as equals. But to use your position to threaten deletion of posts you find personally insulting and then to proceed to issue further insults I found to be disturbing and hypocritical. I asked him whether you're only allowed to insult people if you hold a position of power? See, it was the threat to delete the other's post that disturbed me. If he'd decided not to delete it, why bring it up? It was an intimidation tactic. I told him that while it was not my debate, I couldn't in good conscience stand by and leave that unchallenged.

He wrote back entirely unapologetic. Apparently since he didn't actually use the words "you...are..an...idiot" he wasn't hypocritically insulting the other guy, and the fact that he perceived the words "especially on here" to be an insult to every RTB member justified his actions. He managed to entirely miss the point of my message. So I'm leaving. I stand behind my convictions, and I won't be a part of any group that allows its staff to use their elevated positions to intimidate and belittle other members.

Take care.

aerin19

NicoleRussell · #2 (**permalink**) 10-05-2004, 11:59 AM

It's your decision whther you decide to stay or go.
I must say though, I have to agree with Julius on this one. I do not feel he was insulting, and in fact in my opinion, I felt he was actually quite restrained.
Because someone is a staff member does not removed their opinions or right to post them.
He did not delete the post--but replied to it. An abuse of power would have been handled completely different.

rachel132002 · #3 (**permalink**) 10-05-2004, 12:23 PM

o...k but if you'd spent a load of money sorting out a forum so people with EXPERIENCE can help each other and beginners and someone came along and rubbished it completely and in turn basically called JS and idiot as though we just spend our time causing problems while he preaches about keeping corns or something with giant pythons wouldn't you be a little more than peed off?

tracylou · #4 (**permalink**) 10-05-2004, 01:23 PM

Yeah, that thread did get a little hot... I admire you for PMing someone who you believe stepped over a line instead of slamming them in a public forum (although... then again, that is why this thread was created isnt' it?) ... but this world is made up of all sorts of us guys. The kind hearted, the knowledgeable, the charasmatic, the hot headed, the tell-it-like-it-is(ers) , the politically correct... and I think we need to give allowances to indiviuals we don't agree with knowing they are just coming from a different place than we are ... and we also need to recognize that we all play each of those roles at one time or another. For you to walk away from an entire forum that educates and supports and wrestles through some difficult issues because you were offended by one situation is your choice. But it seems to me that in this one situation, you might be being just as intolerant as you accuse someone else of being. You spoke up and were true to your self which is what we are all called to do... but that doesn't mean he has to agree with you. We aren't always awarded the privledge of having everyone in our lives think exactly like we do... but isnt' that what makes this a great world (and a great forum)? Our diversity... including percived quirks... are what give us a richness and depth that we just wouldn't have if our "gene pool" was so shallow. I, for one, am grateful for the information, deep thinking, (and great one liners) that Julius and so many others contriubte to this place... and thank them for it.

Rmk1999 · #5 (**permalink**) 10-05-2004, 01:50 PM

Very nicely stated tracylou... aerin19 it was nice of you to take a stance but I too believe you shouldn't leave this site all together. Either way it's your choice. I posted the forum you're talking about and I got out of it what I needed to.

WhiteLips · #6 (**permalink**) 10-05-2004, 01:53 PM

Well said tracylou! I agree, I know this forum has helped me considerably! I appeciate that everyone has taken the time from their lives to share information, humor and aspects of themselves to make this a rich site!

aerin19 · #7 (**permalink**) 10-05-2004, 08:26 PM

Well, apparently I can't cancel my membership entirely. Once I'm finished exchanging pm's with natas, I'll stop coming here.

EVERYONE seems to be missing my point, so I'll try to condense:

I don't care if Julius had called John a moron, or any other names, as long as it was done as between equals. I also wouldn't have cared if he'd deleted the post and pm'd the guy. He used his position to intimidate and publicly humiliate a fellow member. If he decided not to delete a post, then he didn't need to bring it up, especially since he proceeded to belittle the guy. Belittlement is insulting, the very "crime" for which he'd threatened to delete the other guy's post.

Do you get it? I was not in any way invested in the debate itself. I don't know John. Whether or not something is insulting is, I suppose, a matter of perception. I didn't think the "especially" was overly offensive, but Julius did. He doesn't think he insulted John, but I certainly do. And Julius refused when privately contacted to acknowledge that the exchange could have been handled any other way. I certainly think there is a nice group of people here, and I don't mean to insult anyone, but I won't support or condone what I consider to be unrepentant abuse. So I'm done with this forum.

BWSmith · #8 (**permalink**) 10-05-2004, 08:34 PM

You are certainly entitled to your perceptions. And if you wish to discontinue participation, that is entirely up to you. I, personally, do not see the posts in question as intimidation or how it can be construed as such.

sjt1985 · #9 (**permalink**) 10-05-2004, 08:39 PM

It had nothing to do with his position, he left the post up to prove his point, and it did it oh so well. Your over looking that~and accusing power abuse as a foothold. there was NO powerabuse here at all. When you make a post like he did, you best believe others are going to take offense to it, and Julius stepped up and defended the whole community ~ and now is taking heat for it? pfft wtf is that.

IMO if you go, its your choice, and your loss.

and to Julius, Thank you for supporting and defending the members on this board, probably speak for all when I say I appreciate it.

aerin19 · #10 (**permalink**) 10-05-2004, 08:46 PM

And that's why I'm leaving. It's your forum, you can manage it as you please. I've had my 5 minutes.

Dragon · #11 (**permalink**) 10-05-2004, 09:02 PM

I didn't see anything in JS's replies that I would consider offensive or insulting. I did see quite a bit of good ol' common sense though.

CheshireCat · #12 (**permalink**) 10-05-2004, 09:07 PM

So sorry aerin, I really can't see the same things you did (and Im oversensitive). I didn't read anything bad and I think js handled it far better than I would have had the skills to do. My response would have involved many 4 letter f words.
Please don't give up, stick with it.

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