For the entire forum (long read)

[danktat]

To start things out, I know that there are many here in the reptile forum
community who are upset with me at this moment. In the minds of many, rightfully
so. I figured it would be best to clear the air now then to have things
drag out month after month, year after year (as I have seen happen in the many
years of being part of forums and other communities).

For those who don't know, I have been around forums for almost a decade and around
snakes since I was 11 years old. A few years back I got into boas (in particular
Suriname BCC) and amassed a decent collection of higher end animals along with some
"no name" animals that just happened to be pretty and showed potential. Have bred in
the past and sold some of the offspring to members of this and other forums. If you
hadn't noticed, I disappeared from the form scene for about a year prior to my most
recent posts. This disappearance was a result of me going thru some extrememly tough
issues in my marraige to my wife (who many of you have seen pictures of in previous
posts). These issues caused me to go into what could be considered a pretty deep abyss
of depression which kept me away from my home (and as a result, my animals). Over the
course of this past year, I managed to not be around enough to care for my animals the
way that they should have been taken care of. I will say it out loud here so there is
no mistake. I neglected to do the things I needed to do to take care of them properly.

That being said, my animals were not the only beings that were not as healthy as they
should have been. I eventually ended up splitting up with my wife and over the last month
or so as the demise of my marraige was becoming evident, the stress of the breakup even
casued ME to lose 25 lbs or so as I was unable to eat or sleep. My pets at this point were
deteriorating as badly as I was myself. Being wrapped up in my own issues, I failed to
realize the extent to which the neglect was becoming evident (to my animals or to myslef).
I sold off about half of them early but really wanted to keep the half dozen or so that I had
the most time, and energy invested in....ie: the ones I "loved" the most. Unfortuately, I was
not able to see that getting them to less stressful (better) homes would have beem more loving
than trying to selfishly hold onto them. By the time I realized it, it was too late for a couple of
them. I ended up giving them to a friend, in fact, the man who put the very first Suriname
boa in my hands. I figured he would have the knowledge to care for them and the desire to do so.
Should I have gotten rid of them sooner as I started to realize that I wasn't in the right frame of
mind to do what needed to be done? Certainly. Being wrapped up in the middle of it, however, I didn't.

Over the past few moths I have separated, moved into a better, less stressful environment, but am
still in the process of a devorce (which is going quite a bit more amicably than anticipated). There
are still some complex immigration issues involving my ex wife but it is working its way thru.
I have managed to pick up a couple of animals that are young and figure that over the next 2-3 years I
will be able to figure out wether or not attempting to breed them and all the care that is requied for
such a thing is somthing I will be able to do. I no longer have a large collection of animals that are
a bit more than I can handle.

I am aware that some in the community feel "I should NEVER again own another pet". If you feel that way
I can understand. Not much other than time that can change any minds about that. I do however wish to put
an end to the undercutting on my posts. The subtle remarks that are made that admins can't quite call
flaming so that the feelings can still be obvious to those who know. The judging of me, my situation, my
life and what I do with it as it relates to pet ownership without "really" knowing more than what you were
shown. I am quite sure that there will be some flaming on this tread as long as the admins and mods let the
thread go on without shutting it down. In fact, some of the mods may wish to take part in the bashing as
they have feelings one way or the other too.

All I can do at this point is to say I'm sorry to the community and hope that over time I can regain the
trust of some of the people I have lost it from. And hope that this tread puts an end to the negative comments
in other threads that don't need it.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Perhaps it will help some to, if not forgive, then understand.

Kenneth Bryan

	Boa Constrictor Constrictor Red Tail Boa Constrictor (Boa constictor constrictor). Refers to "true" red tail boas such as the Guyana and Suriname locales.

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[toxic.kitten]

Being my age, people have told me "Oh, you're too young to know what true love is", but I had been with my ex for 6 years and inevitably there were tall tell signs that the relationship was on the fast track to ending. I had been with him so long & we had a child together, so needless to say I did love him and I was very attached to him. I can sympathize and understand what you are going through. I went into a small tangent on depression for several months crying my eyes out and neglected my animals I had at the time as well. I didn't feel like getting out of bed, I didn't feel like eating, I felt sick to my stomach. I just didn't feel like doing anything because I thought my world had came crashing down. We're all human and we aren't perfect - we make mistakes. I don't think I was around when all this happened, but I will say I forgive you because I've been in the same situation. I hope others will be able to forgive you too and good luck with your new snakes.

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[LdyDrgn]

Wow, Ken.... I had no idea you were going through all of that. I know how it is, though... *hugs* Depression is one of the worst things, very intrusive into one's life. It isn't permanent, though, so chin up. It will get better.

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[Rachel SS]

I think sometimes you have to work on yourself before you take on extra responsibilities, and this is speaking from experience. I think therapy should be a number one priority and taking in other animals should wait a while. That's just me though. Good luck either way.

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[Stargazer]

Dank, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. I noticed you haven't been around much. Being someone who has been through some extremely tough times and dealt with some deep depressions in my life, I would never judge you. I suspect the guilt you feel - and will probably always feel - are worse than any flaming you could receive by others. I appreciate your owning up to all of this. It's a tragic situation all around. How is your daughter doing? I hope it's at least an amicable divorce.

P.S. Did Jason/Jessica make it?

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[Icicle]

Sorry to hear this Dank.
Take Care, and when the time is right your get back into it(breeding).

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[Sakara]

Ken, I already replied over on the other RTB.com thread... But good luck with all the stuff that is going on! I really hope things work out for you, your family and your babies! Take some time to get yourself together... And like Rachel said, therapy is not a bad thing!!! If you need to talk to someone do it! It really does help And I still want my tattoo when I get up there

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[dhonaker]

Dank verry sorry to hear

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[louise]

dank i am so sorry all that happened to you. the people who are condemning you have no clue till they are in your shoes. just remember that things can only get so bad and then they have to get better.

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[mpgt]

Louise said what I wanted to, Dank. Sorry to hear it. Hope you stick around here.

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[John]

I don't know you much at all, only a little from a previous site. But I will say that no one can do everything right all the time. We are all a mess at one time or another. And what Louise said was true. Talking about the path and walking the path are two different things.

It takes a good person to admit their weaknesses and mistakes. I wish you the best, and I hope you get through all this and see better times.

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[mpgt]

Originally Posted by danktat

In fact, some of the mods may wish to take part in the bashing as they have feelings one way or the other too.

I certainly hope not.

Originally Posted by danktat

All I can do at this point is to say I'm sorry to the community and hope that over time I can regain the trust of some of the people I have lost it from. And hope that this tread puts an end to the negative comments in other threads that don't need it. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Perhaps it will help some to, if not forgive, then understand.
Kenneth Bryan

I don't think you need to apologize to us for failing to care for your snakes in a way that satisfies all or most of us. This is the first I've heard about people being upset with you, but it sounds like they're being judgemental when you haven't harmed them personally in any way. That doesn't seem reasonable to me. I know this isn't a debate thread, it's just my opinion.

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[danktat]

I don't think you need to apologize to us for failing to care for your snakes in a way that satisfies all or most of us. This is the first I've heard about people being upset with you, but it sounds like they're being judgemental when you haven't harmed them personally in any way. That doesn't seem reasonable to me. I know this isn't a debate thread, it's just my opinion.

The guy I gave the boas to posted on a different forum asking for help as a couple were not in very good shape. A few members of that forum recognized the collection and began to "share how they felt". It continued into PM's amongst themselves and the guy who had the boas. I have been around forums long enough to know how these things spiral out of control. I also know that some actually enjoy the drama that results from such things on the internet. I was hoping to quell that with this thread and to let people in on what someone might be talking about if they were to hear thru forum grapevines.

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[dhonaker]

Dank the important thing is to get yourself right screw what some people siting on there soapbox might think
Unless they have walked in your shoes they have no right to judge
I myself lost some snakes meny years ago due to neglect when my kid was sick this was before I knew what a reptile forum was but when somthing bad is going on in your life other things seam to slip your mind

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[kenyabloodstone]

Ignore what other people (Flamers) say. I agree with what everyone here is saying and I just wanted to add in take care of yourself. There is no need to apologize and there is no need for people to flame you.

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[jere000000]

Just make sure if it comes down to it your snakes get the care they deserve.

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[Smits]

Ken, I'm sorry for this last year. I can't image what it must me like to be in your shoes. I'm glad that you are starting to get back in a point in life where you are "you" again.
.
Honestly, I cannot blame you in the slightest. Long term relationships/marriage take there toll when they fall apart. Been there myself, but nothing close to your situation. Taking care of yourself becomes more than a chore, not to mention others (or pets).
.
IMO, a lot of people lose sight of what's important in these situations, or life for that matter. The most important thing is to take care of your star player, the one who stares you in the mirror every morning. Sure, family, friends, pets are important. But getting your head back in the game is first priority.
.
Most won't openly admit it on the forum, but you wouldn't be the only one to do the things that you did in similar situations. In traumatic times, everything else falls to the side. It's crappy about the boas, but anyone who truly knows you, and your life, knows that that they would have done the same thing. I know I would have.
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I'm glad you are on the mends bro. You have nothing but respect from me.

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	In My Opinon IMO = In My Opinion and IMHO = In My Honest Opinion